So most of you know I struggle with self image issues. It's been a problem for as long as I can remember. I don't find myself to be attractive, It's hard to look in the mirror and have the confidence to say that I am beautiful. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I think the last time I was able to feel even a little pride in myself was in High School. But even then I didn't care too much about myself. I can't remember a time when I felt good about myself for one day. Just for one full day. Usually when I do feel good it's for but a fleeting moment.
I can't blame anyone for my issues with self image. The blame is all on me for these thoughts. I am hoping to work on this though for 2016. But no matter how much I work on it, I will always feel I am never enough. I feel as though I am not important enough. That it is true that I am ugly. It hurts to say it, I know it's wrong but it's sometimes how I feel. I was bullied through my education , my peers called me ugly, among other things. Maybe it is part of the reason why I have such issues with my body. I don't even feel comfortable wearing bathing suits.
To make matters worse I cover myself up as much as possible so as not to show any skin. I know I should feel good about my body. Trust me I've tried. But honestly I just don't. I don't know if there will ever be a day where I can look in the mirror and say I feel and look amazing. I am 28 years old, I should have had that aha moment by now. I'd like to think it will but I don't feel confident about that. I feel like I shouldn't have this issue. So many compliment me on my beauty and my complexion, I just don't see it.
One day I hope to be able too. I have to work on feeling good about myself, I have to take care of myself as well. Brushing my hair, taking showers, brushing my teeth, etc. All the daily care activities you think would make me feel better. But really it doesn't. I want a family of my own one day. But before that happens I have to take care of myself. I can't feel the way I feel about myself. I have to find the courage to look at myself in a new good light. I know I'm capable, I just have to find that piece of me that feels good, feels beauty, can feel pride, I want to be able to say to myself that I'm attractive, that I am worthy of love from someone else.
I am hoping to find a group to learn more about self image, etc. I want to get rid of the negative in 2016. I say that a lot, I intend on making this the year that I change my views on my body. If anyone has advice on how I can work on this, I'd really appreciate it. I hope you all are having a great start to 2016. I plan to have a great year. Make it a good one.
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It isn't easy Anna, but if you take baby steps, you can definitely make progress....as you mentioned, starting with "self-care," is a positive first step. Simple things like giving yourself a facial, or taking a bath can provide opportunities to appreciate your self. You can do it, one step at a time!! Happy 2016!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very common thing among women, Anna. We are held to such a high standard for what we look like and none of us fit the bill. Practice self-compassion and take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteHow honest and courageous it is to tackle this head on Anna. I don't know of anything off the top of my head, such as a group, but will keep an ear open and be on the watch. There must be something because so many people, and especially women, have this problem. Hooray for you for dealing with it head on!
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