So it's only been two days and I'm writing another note, I have a lot of struggles socially I have a hard time reaching out to people. Although I have reached out to two of my good friends over the past week or so. Since I got sick 2 and a half years ago, I feel like reaching out to friends has been harder for me. I don't know what my friends will think of me, will they judge me differently because not only do I have a learning difference I have a mental illness. I mean before I was diagnosed with a mental illness, I was attending Colby-Sawyer College, I was having social struggles there too. It was hard for me to leave my previous College Landmark, though I had struggled with homesickness I had made some close friends. I was closer to home being at Colby sawyer but it was hard for me to make friends.
I felt socially awkward!! I didn't know what I was supposed to do, I guess I didn't know what the rules were on how to make friends. I was bullied in Middle school and some of High School. It hurt because some of my so called friends turned their backs on me. After that I had big time issues with trust. I didn't know if the next friend I made would end up also turning their back on me. It hurt to know that people could be so cruel. Just because I was different than them. I mean really nobody has the right to judge you. I could never figure out why it was going on, I was to young to understand it as well. Some people who targeted me because of my social awkwardness so to speak have really grown up and matured since then.
I actually talk to some of those people today. But I still have trust issues mainly because of my mental illness. I feel like the issues have grown since then. I've always had that issue but it's only grown, I know there are a lot of people who aren't educated enough to know what a mental illness is, they don't know what it's like to stand in the shoes of those who struggle everyday. I have a lot of friends who care about me and who don't judge. I went out with a friend today, and she didn't judge me when I talked with her about mu illness. She listened and understood. I love and care about my friends. I know who my true friends are and those who aren't. I know who will listen and understand when I talk to them. I hope all my fb friends will read this and comment. I would like to know your thoughts. I still have my struggles.
I get really shy when I have to start up a conversation. I guess it's hard for me to know how to start one. I get flustered and embarrased. I know it sounds funny but it's true. I will end the note for now. Trust me if I have more to say I will write more, or just write a whole new note. I hope everybody understands what I had to say and takes the time to listen. Oh and off topic but if you see anyone being bullied, talk to a teacher, a counselor or any trusted adult you can count on. I wish someone had done that for me. It would have made a world of difference.
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Anna--When I was your age, I think I went through a lot of the same things you are experiencing now. The hard part about trust and friendship is there is no handbook; really listening to how you feel and developing a personal sense of core values are some of the guides and tools you have to count on. And it's not easy! It takes a lot of practice and patience. At 52, I'm feeling like I'm just getting a handle on it, so be kind to yourself, and as cliche as it sounds, follow your soul and believe that it will get better. I think that you are very thoughtful, so you are already steps ahead of the game!
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