My apologies

      Hi everyone
I wholeheartedly apologize for my last blog post. I had no intention of scaring anyone. I have been feeling down for the last couple of weeks, I have a new job at Bath and Body works, I have a big meeting coming up over the next few weeks which could determine where I go after High Street.  I have been stressed, and everything started to pile up on me. I have had very few hours thus far at work which has really concerned me.  I am doing a lot better than I was on Friday even, I had therapy twice last week, I was really in need of it.
    I am grateful that I was able to reach out and that I have a great support system who care about me and are great listeners. I wasn't in the right space when I posted on Friday, I wasn't aware of what I was writing, and that I could potentially scare people. The mind can be an interesting place as a person struggling with a mental illness. It's an uphill battle, but I survive. I asked for help, I have the tools to do so, if I didn't, I'd be so alone in this world. There are people who have it worse than I do, I am so glad to have good parents, and friends.
     I am glad to have a roof over my head, to have a wonderful friend who lives nearby that I can call and talk to, who always manages to cheer me up. I shouldn't feel that I am a burden on people. I have people who love me and will do anything for me. I have great roommates and staff support at my group home. I was and am thankful to have the coping skills to walk through everyday. I had a good day yesterday I went out to dinner with my sister and my nephew. It was good to get out of the house and have some good eats.
      I am working on loving myself, and thinking good thoughts, I tend to bring myself down and I'm working on bringing myself out of that. I have every reason to appreciate myself. I am also working on being less isolated. I am going back to program on Monday, and taking it from there. I am entirely blessed to have the PAC in my life, I'm certain it saved my life. Mental illness is NOT a disease, it's becoming a little blessing because I can reach out to others, perhaps this blog post will help someone who is having a difficult time. I have realized that being a motivational speaker is something I wanna do down the line to teach others.
    I often think there are certain people who think that I am scary because I have a mental illness, maybe they don't think I'm scary, but they don't see me as the person I once was. That is the worst feeling to go through. I am trying to let that stigma go. I want to end the stigma. I want to tell people that we as a community are good people, there is nothing to fear. I used to blame myself constantly and often still do. But am slowly realizing it's not my fault.
     If people have a problem with who I am, and my illness, they are the ones with the problem. I am a good person, I'm not bad. I want to show people that we are not what movies, or television shows portray us as. In closing, I hope those that read this will comment and maybe someone will be saved by this who is struggling.