Need some support and cheering up

         Here is another blog entry. I've been feeling down for a long time now. I'm not looking forward to anything anymore. I become frustrated and angry more easily and sad more often. I just don't know what to do. I go to my program every day on schedule but often that is a chore. Everyone there knows how much I love them but I almost feel like I've worn out my welcome? I know the staff and members would disagree but I'm ready to move on. I want a part time job, something that suits me. I am highly interested in one day becoming a special education teacher. I had some pretty amazing teachers who I bet would be happy to see that I as well want to make a difference in someones life. I really haven't narrowed down what grade I want to work with but I'm hoping middle school. Those were the hardest times for me as I was bullied by my own peers. I would have never imagined the cruelty that came from my own peers who should have been my friends. But sometimes I worry if I ever do become a teacher will I be good at it? I mean I know it's hard work. It's not an easy job. So maybe some of my friends who are in the field of teaching could offer me advice on that too? I would appreciate any of the advice I can get from anyone who can offer it.

      I talk to Charlotte, Tom, John and my advocate about my struggles. But I often wonder why can't I figure these things out on my own? I sometimes feel as though I am a bother. Not that any of these people I mentioned mind. They care so much about me. They would do anything for me. I have not been happy lately either. I might smile and seem okay, but deep down inside I'm really struggling. I know tomorrow the club is having their Valentines dance. I decided not to go. I know I would enjoy myself but on another level I would feel socially awkward. I won't dance. I don't even consider myself to be a good dancer. I'm still that shy young woman that I was when I walked through the Point After Club door almost 3 years ago. I really hope I don't sound like a broken record. Sometimes I like repeating myself to get my point across. I hope everyone understands. I am trying my hardest to look forward to Sunday when I am meeting up with some staff from Landmark to see a play. But its hard for me to look forward to that too. Not everyone knows of my struggles. I don't mind telling my story. But sometimes I'm afraid that my friends will not understand, or that they'll judge me. I know neither will happen it's just a fear of mine.

    I owe a debt of gratitude to the members and staff at the club for understanding my struggles. For their support and love and encouragement. I know they know how I feel. It's going to take some time for me to feel better but I know I will feel better soon. It will just take a while. I hope to one day go back to school and get my Bachelor's degree. I know I need more schooling if I ever want to become a teacher. I know several of my friends are teachers and they are incredible at what they do. I miss College. I know I was very shy there too. But I had a close group of friends who I can always count on to talk to and who would be there for me. I respect all my past teachers too. They helped me through a lot. If not for them who knows what I'd be doing. Not a lot of people respect their teachers or the people that have helped them through the dark days. People should be grateful for the help that they have because you could easily be alone in this world. I am so blessed to have the PAC staff in my life. I know that without them I would be at home probably sleeping non-stop. I'm going to end this entry for now. It's short and sweet but I don't like to babble. If I think of anything else I will add it later. I hope everyone reads this and takes the time to comment.

      I am so thankful for my followers and those who take the time to read my blog. Again thanks for your time.