This is a note for everybody to read, I am finally going to write about why I am so afraid to visit probably one of the most wonderful places in the world, well it all started a little over two years ago when I made the decision to go by myself to Landmark for a visit. At the time I was attending Colby Sawyer. I thought to myself it could be a lot of fun to go to Putney to visit my friends for Easter weekend, this was in 2009. So the night before I was to leave I was feeling really funny I wasn't sure what was wrong, I also had a counseling appointment that day. I didn't go because I wasn't feeling well. Something to this day I regret. Maybe if I had gone to see my counselor that day he would have stopped me from going to Landmark. So the next day I was feeling even worse.
I knew something was very wrong I just couldn't figure it out. After classes were done for the day, my stepdad picked me up and drove me to Landmark. I had no idea that my life would end up changing, that weekend on the Landmark campus I had what's called a psychotic break. I was so scared that weekend. At the time I didn't know I was having a pyschotic break. It was only until after I got home that I knew what happened. I was in the hospital for a month. It was the longest month of my life. I don't blame Landmark for my psychotic break I guess my fear is that if I were to visit Landmark would the same thing happen? I feel like people would be afraid of me. I know I'm repeating myself but that's how I've felt for a while.
I haven't been to visit since Easter of 2009, I'm hoping to visit in the fall though, and FYI, I am doing a whole lot better now I'm on medications for my illness, I have it under control. I love Landmark with all of my heart. It changed my life for the better. I did see my illness as a curse at first but now it's almost like a blessing. I owe so much to Landmark, I'm sure that sounds funny after all I wrote in this note. I hope those who read this note will comment and leave some advice for me. I love advice any and all is greatly appreciated.
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I am sure that Landmark is a wonderful place, but there are many wonderful places in this world. I understand your desire to visit, as well as your nervousness about that visit. However, I think that maybe it is ok to out-grow that wonderful place and prepare yourself for all of the new wonderful places that are in your future.
ReplyDeleteDon't dwell in the past too much, the future hold many great opportunities.